Rest In Peace
Bettymimi... GramBetty...Mom...Betty was a lot of things. She was beautiful, resilient, strong, a warrior, survivor, vulnerable, and authentic to her core.
First and foremost she was my last surviving grandparent. This moment never before crossed my mind. Until today I could not imagine a day where none of my grandparents would be around. There is nothing like the love of a grandparent and I will miss Bettymimi’s love like no other. Between childhood summers spent with them on the mission field to over 200 college weekends at their home in Southwest Oklahoma City, Bettymimi and Jacket taught me about love, life, mission, and faithfulness.
Bernie...Lin... Dad…Having lost both your dad and mom this year, I can’t fully fathom or even process that loss. I thank God that I don’t have too, and grieve alongside you at the depth of loss you are each experiencing. May you know there is nothing in this world that Jack and Betty prouder than the men, fathers, and faithful leaders the three of you have become. You were and are Betty’s pride and joy.
Betty was strong. She was drop-dead gorgeous and from the “wrong side of the tracks.” She was the adopted daughter of a profoundly poor family. During the depression she would climb into rail cars and take the paper lining off the walls for insulation for her family home. Being from a large poor family made her resourceful. No matter the situation, Betty could find a resolution. This was a skill that became significantly useful in her seventy year marriage to a husband who didn't know how to say "no" to save himself.
Jacket loved telling the story of how they met. Jacket had just come back from World War II and was invited to a young adult event at his childhood church. When he got there all the women were wearing pants. "There was one beautiful young woman who stood apart from the rest." Across the yard he could see this lovely young lady in a dress. She was a “sight for sore eyes” - a brunette in a sea of blonds. He would say, "the rest of the people at the picnic looked like kids, boys and girls, but not this young lady, she was all woman”. Jack walked up to Betty and said, "My name is Jack, I just got back from the war. I haven't met you before." Betty in her snappy way said, "Jack, I know who you are," and walked away without giving her name. By the end of the youth event Jack had secured her name and a date for the next day. 11 months later they were married.
Together Jack and Betty could face anything. Bettymimi was a woman before her time. She was the resistance. In the early days of their marriage when my grandmother cut her hair short, she would often be asked not to enter a church. My grandfather and grandmother would turn around and exit the same door they entered. Jacket would say "It's both of us or none of us."
Maryjo Barnett, one of my grandmother's friends shared with me that when Bettymimi would speak with women’s groups she would remind them the job of women in the church was not to throw baby showers, and do women’s retreats. Instead it was to further the mission of Christ. Maryjo said I’ll never forget your grandmother words to us “Don’t let anyone convince you you don’t have the power,capability, or repsonsibility to transform your community for Christ.”
Every cockamamie idea my grandfather created in his head my grandmother would help carry to fruition. From housing short term missionaries in their own home, like a bed and breakfast, to leading vacation Bible schools with over 400 native children. If Jacket asked her to take part she always gave it her all.
Beyond all the mission projects, Betty ran the house. Three square meals (even if they weren't tasty), homemade clothes (even if one arm was longer than the other) , housekeeping, raising three rambunctious boys, endless dishes and dirty clothes, entertaining the multitudes, cleaning up after my grandfather's messes, Betty mimi was the bedrock.
She was a warrior, and a survivor, Over the course of 90 years Betty faced brain cancer, breast and ovarian cancer, a full mastectomy, and hysterectomy, the loss of child, endless moves, Alzheimer and she did all of this with a grace that never ceased. (Sure, she could be a hard ass, curt, and opinionated, a lousy cook, and mediocre house cleaner, but those cracks in the armor made her all the more beautiful.) In fact, this is one of the beautiful gifts she teaches us. Betty wore her vulnerabilities and authenticity as badges inviting people to love her in her fullness. Anyone who met Bettymimi knew rather quickly she wasn’t perfect so they too would drop all their masks of perfection. “She was who she was” and she invited you to be fully who you were.
Together Jacket and Bettymimi could weather any storm. After seventy years in each other's care no matter what reservation, island, house, road trip, or missionary journey they were on, they had become each other's home.
About 7 years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 Alzheimer's disease. Betty started losing things: Loss of direction, loss of memories, loss of the ability to cook, or clean. (Those things seemed innocent enough, besides she hated doing the last two anyway) As things grew worse she would forget to wash clothes, to make any meals, to even turn off the oven or the burners. No matter how much Jacket tried to hold things together, the house around them was falling apart, and his will grew weak.
But this is where the story shifts from how I told it last time. Last time I said Jacket was Betty’s tether to this world...And loosing Jacket left Betty without a clear teather. But as I peeled back the layers of my life with them, what I found was a different story, a reversed story.
Betty had always been Jack’s teather. From the moment Jacket came back from war to an overbearing mother, and drove to that young adult church event and picked up betty mimi, SHE was his tether.. His anchor. She gave him the acceptance to be who he truly was without expectation, In turn, she got the freedom to become all God intended her to be. This brings me to my first text of today:
Ephesians (1:15-19) That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!
Over 90 years of a faithful life led my grandmother to embody this text. She was intelligent, focused, discerning, and determined.
See, Jacket wasn't easy to keep teatherered to this world, but she made it all possible. This courageous woman of faith understand the immensity and beauty of what God had called her to.. Without her, nothing Jacket accomplished could have been done.. When I first started staying with them on weekends and going to church with them on wednesdays, there was a weekly dinner at Southern Hills Baptist Church where they attended .I remember seeing Jacket finish his meal, (that Bettymimi brought to him) and then just leave his plate for her to clean up. He would get up from the table and walk away. One time I said “Jacket take your own stinking plate.” And he said he didn’t even know where it went. (You could see the kitchen from where he sat) Truth be told, I'm not sure he even knew where things actually went in his own kitchen.
Betty’s faith was strong, it had been tested through the chaos of 75 years of faithfulness. I remember hundreds of mornings waking up on the weekends and seeing her sitting in the dark living room reading and studying her Bible. I watched her write Thousands of letters, birthday cards, and christmas cards, maintaining the powerful connections they had built in their 70 years of ministry. Without her those relationships would have vanished. Throughout her life she corresponded to hundreds of missionaries throughout the world. As a missionary herself she knew these letters and prayers could transform someones week.
As a grandchild, I wouldn't have ever received a birthday card, or a christmas gift, or any other communication if it hadn't been for Bettymimi remembering and passing them on for Jacket to sign. Sure many of those gifts will go down in history as the weirdest gifts I've ever received,(crazy hand knit brown sweater vests before sweater vests were cool, and crooked crocheted blankets.) but I never doubted I was loved, because I was remembered. And what christmas ornaments do all of us children and grandchildren have proudly displayed on our trees? Yes, the hand made, hand beaded, felt christmas ornaments that she made in droves.
Bettymimi was Jackets tether, She tethered him to the world, and to us. Together in faithful service of one another and God they were enabled to literally change the world. This leads me to my closing text. It comes from a letter Paul wrote to one of his favorite communities, Philippi. Paul wrote this to them:
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
Like Bettymimi...may we live a lover’s life. Exemplary... sincere...intelligent in our love. May we live a life that Jesus would be proud of, full of fruits Embodying our vulnerabilities, warts and all, making Jesus attractive to all. May we all be more like my grandmother.
May you rest in peace Bettymimi.
